It only hurts when it hurts ...

Avoiding pain is about as primal a human reaction as you could ever hope to find. Masochists aside, there are few people who willingly subject themselves to physical abuse.

Which is why the majority of the general sporting world has always looked somewhat askance at the ice hockey goalie, as if we all have a few screws loose. After all, we willingly put ourselves in front of rock-hard pucks, often fired in excess of 50, 70, even 90 miles an hour. Who in their right mind does that?

But there's more to the position than simply the aches and pains of getting hit by a puck. There are also the psychological "sticks and stones" that can really leave a mark on a young goalie's psyche. It's imperative that, as a parent and/or coach, you keep this in mind. Every other player can make a mistake on the ice, and he or she still has someone covering their back. A safety net, so to speak. That person is the goaltender.

The goaltender, though, doesn't enjoy the same luxury. When a goalie makes a mistake, more often than not, the puck winds up in the back of the net. That's a ton of pressure for a youngster (or anyone, for that matter). Trust me, these kids have feelings. They hear the moans and groans, from teammates, from coaches, from people in the stands. Parents can be particularly callous, not only through their own reactions, but also by what they allow their kids to say.

At the end of the day, it isn't the number of wins and losses that matter in this game. It's the life lessons that can and should be taught. Hockey is a team sport, and one of the most important developmental lessons a coach can impart on his or her team is that "one for all, all for one" approach. There have always been prima donnas in sports, but I'm seeing more and more of them these days. And that's worrisome. Parents, and particularly parents who coach, really have to be vigilant about making sure that one kid isn't held up as a scapegoat for the team's shortcomings.

I take the same approach with referees. When I have a player complaining about the ref, I ask them point blank: "Oh, did you play a perfect game? Refs make mistakes, just like you. You can't make excuses." Likewise, if I hear even so much as a whisper about the goalie's performance, I squash the conversation immediately. Here's why.

On almost every goal scored in hockey, you can find several mistakes that lead to the scoring opportunity. Yes, it's the goalies job to make up for those mistakes, and stop the shots that get through. I don't ever let them forget that. But on almost every single goal, there's usually a series of breakdowns (if you don't believe me, just check out the video reply work by Jeremy Roenick or Eddie Olczyk on Versus during the Stanley Cup playoffs). Goals are often the result of "team" mistakes, not just a goalie mistake. It's critical that coaches remind players that unless those kids played a perfect game themselves (which I have yet to see), then they shouldn't be pointing fingers at anybody else, especially the goaltender.

Now, I understand that goalies give up bad goals. I'm not into coddling. They are responsible for every goal that gets by them. Period. Goalies have to learn to accept that responsibility if they're going to drive themselves to be successful, because the shots only get harder and faster as they move up the ladder. It is not a position for the meek or timid.

That said, goalies also need to know that they have the unwavering support of their team. That's especially true for a kid who works hard at every practice (of course, there will always be kids who hope to get by without putting in any effort, but that's a topic for another column). Parents and coaches have to keep things in perspective, even if teammates might not. If kids are putting in an honest effort, trying hard to improve every time they're on the ice, then they ought to be able to make mistakes without feeling ostracized. And that's the responsibility of the adults.

Several years ago, when I was coaching my daughter's Squirt team, we didn't have a regular goalie. So I made the decision at the beginning of the season that every child would take a turn between the pipes. My reasons were twofold. First, in keeping with my team-oriented approach, I thought it was the only democratic thing to do, since no one wanted to play goal. I'm often amazed to see coaches going back to the same kids simply because those kids had the guts to volunteer in the first place, instead of making sure the responsibility is shared equally.

Second, I wanted each and every one of my players to understand, if only for a single game, the unique pressures that playing goal presents. It was, I'll admit, partly experimental. Whether in hockey, or soccer, or lacrosse, I've always suspected that the kids who were the most reckless about firing shots at the goalies were the same kids who wanted nothing to do with the position. Now, the sample set was pretty small (maybe two dozen games), but suffice to say that I didn't see anything to dissuade me from that premise.

Anyway, with a couple of games left in the season, we had one kid who hadn't played in the nets, and I let him know that his number was up. His mom interceded, and said that "Johnny" was terrified of the prospect. Johnny wasn't scared of getting "hurt," per se. He was mortified of the possibility that he could screw up, and cost his team the game. Because he knew how cruel kids could be about that stuff. I tried to be as diplomatic as possible with Johnny's parents, but I also held firm. The policy was put in at the start of the season, and they never said a word. I couldn't let a parent (or player) off the hook simply because they tried to wait me out. Predictably, Johnny didn't show for the last two games of the season.

That's a shame, because Johnny missed a chance to learn several really important lessons. First, he would have found out, firsthand, that goaltending ain't easy (which I suspect he already knew). Second, win or lose, the sun would still come up the next day. And third, he might have even realized that he was able to face up to his fears and overcome them. Isn't that what sports, in part, is all about. Parents and coaches need to remember that as well.

ESPN columnist and anchor John Buccigross once wrote that the single most important characteristic that a hockey player must develop is confidence. I agree. But confidence needs to be nurtured, cultivated. And that's on the coaches and parents.

Best,
-Brion