Dealing with the fear of losing

Hi gang,

At the goalie coaching outfit I work for, we have some general rules about goaltending that have stood the test of time. The first is this: "You're going to give up goals." A corollary to Rule No. 1 would be this: "You're going to lose games." In fact, it's inevitable.

And that's not the end of the world. Trust me. The reality of competition is that there are going to be winners and losers. No one is going to win them all, and (hopefully) no one is going to lose them all. Still, given the pressure that goalies typically accept as the "last line of defense," it's worth taking a closer look at how to deal with the outcomes of our games.

Let me know what you think! Best, -Brion

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DEALING WITH THE FEAR OF LOSING

A decade ago, I was working with a young goalie who showed considerable promise, despite his tender years. He had good athletic ability, terrific control of his body, super concentration, was very coachable, and was willing to work his tail off. That's not a combination of traits that you often see in an 8-year-old.

But there was one additional trait that "Danny" had that concerned me. He was consumed with winning. Every goal, whether it was his fault or not, was cause for a meltdown. He'd work himself into a lather, which always made me nervous. Because when Danny was in that state, his game fell apart, and pucks would start flying past him. In other words, his competitive streak was sometimes his own worst enemy.

Obviously, it's one thing to compete, and it's another thing altogether to lose your composure. So I found myself in the unenviable, and unpredictable, position of coaching a young man who was the polar opposite of many of his peers. Instead of slacking off, he worked himself to exhaustion. Instead of not caring enough, he went overboard. While we worked (and worked) on the technical aspects of the position, I made sure to spend more and more time just getting Danny to lighten up. To laugh. To enjoy the game. Because if it's not fun, what's the point?

That's what makes goaltending so stressful. So much of you sense of self-worth, and success, is predicated on team success. I once won an Over-40 tournament where I hardly saw a shot. My team simply dominated, and I only gave up a total of five goals in sweeping five games. My teammates raved about my performance, even though I knew I didn't deserve the praise. They did. But it's one thing for a 45-year-old man to understand that situation. I'm not sure it's fair to ask the same of an 8-year-old.

That's why the following question – posted on the Positive Coaching Alliance (positivecoach.org) web site – caught my attention: "Can you send me information on how positive coaching affects how certain athletes play to win instead of not to lose? How can coaches help athletes feel good about themselves, have confidence and own that 'fighters' mentality? How does a 'fighters' attitude translate to team sports and how is it affected by positive (and negative) coaching?"

The PCA turned to Lucid Performance's Graham Betchart for a response. Betchart provided the following three tips for helping these players so they can play to win and be great instead of playing to avoid mistakes and not to lose, with additional comments from yours truly.

One. "Emphasize process over outcome." This is a great way to make sure your goaltenders don't get too high or too low. Regardless of whether your goaltender has a great game or stinks the joint out, and regardless of whether your team wins or loses, make sure your very next practice plan focuses on simply getting better. The best players know this intuitively; they're never satisfied. No matter how many achievements, or accolades, they collect, they want to improve. Cultivate that mindset.

Two. "Emphasize and recognize athletes who are action-oriented, with a great attitude and giving maximum effort." This is another variation, I think, of "hard work beats talent when talent doesn't work hard." There is simply no substitute for hard work. And when you can combine hard work with an upbeat, positive attitude, magic can happen.

Three. "Stay present. Coach your players to lock into the present moment, focused on what they can control. The only place an athlete can affect an end result is in the present moment. They can't replay the last play or play the next play before it arrives." My daughter Maddi had a volleyball coach who had a great expression: Drop the brick. In short, it meant "let it go." This is not the same thing as "having a short memory," which is a favorite-if-flawed adage among sports analysts. Goalies need to have long memories, in order to learn. But in the moment, they need to "move past" a bad goal, because they need to concentrate on the next shot. You never want one bad goal leading o another bad goal.

On a related note, I want to credit Stop It Goaltending's Brian Daccord for a terrific idea that he recently posted on Facebook. Daccord is one of the true innovators in goalie coaching circles, specifically because he's open to new ideas and new techniques. His suggestion for teams to create a "goaltending department" – essentially a team within a team – is inspired.

"So you've got your goalie coach, your starter, your back-up, whoever that may be," said Daccord. "It's about everybody in that goaltending department making the team better. How do you make the team better? You challenge guys to work harder in practice. You make it harder for them to score. You make them become better. You push your other goalies. The goalie coach helps both goalies, or all three goalies.

"And then when it comes to game time, one guy gets to play," he said. "Only one guy plays, but that guy is a reflection of the department. And if that guy does well, everybody does well."

It's a new twist on an old concept – you win as a team, and you lose as a team. And that helps take the pressure off any one player (i.e. the goaltender). Now, there are a couple of necessary caveats with this idea. First, I've actually dealt with parents who would actually see the team lose with their kid playing than the team win with their kid on the bench.

Second, Daccord assumes each team should have a goalie coach. He's right, of course. But the reality is that far too many teams still don't consider having a goalie coach a necessity. That's simply shortsighted. These days, having a goalie coach is a must. Not a separate coaching program where you send your goalies, but a coach who is actually on staff. That provides a far better conduit between the head coach and the goalies, and will allow you to create that "goaltending department."

POSTS AND CROSSBARS: Kudos to the New Jersey Devils for stepping up and making the forward-thinking decision to support the National Women's Hockey League's Metropolitan Riveters. Far too many NHL owners talk about growing the game, but it's just that: Talk. Too many of them fail to walk the talk. This is something that Boston Bruins owner Jeremy Jacobs should be out front of, but that hasn't happened. Given the less-than-charitable nature of the Bruins ownership (see "failure to uphold TD Garden agreement to fund local youth hockey"), that's hardly surprising. But it's disappointing nonetheless. Supporting the NWHL is a tremendous way to grow an audience – young women – that's full of potential. That's how you grow the game. For example, the Devils-Riveters alliance began in early October at Prudential Center with a World Girls Hockey Weekend. The Riveters joined more than 60 area youth hockey players for the Devils home opener against the Colorado Avalanche. The girls not only met the Riveters, but also participated in a skating clinic after the game. Brilliant. The Bruins, and the rest of the NHL, should take note.

FINIS